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How can women break the insidious cycle of
relationship failure
Nothing is more traumatic than seeing a relationship falling apart. It
breeds suspicion, distrust and distance. A couple who could not live
without each other at one point of time start finding reasons to stay
away. The relationship failure is painful for both the partners. Both try
to hurt each other; and the more they hurt each other the more they
destroy what was once a very loving relationship.
Signs of
relationship failure
It needs no special skills to understand when
a relationship starts turning sour. Some of the indicators are:
1.
The partners start finding fault with each other.
2. They stop
listening to each other
3. They start spending more time outside the
house
4. They find less and less time, and even less reason, to touch
each other or reassure each other that everything is right.
5. The
trust breaks down.
6. No satisfactory explanations are offered for
coming late.
7. Phone calls are not returned
8. There is an attempt
to hurt and wound each at the slightest possibility.
9. The mutual
respect that existed for each other starts shrinking.
10. There are
high expectations but no give and take.
How can women save the
relationship
The onus to save a relationship rests on both the
partners. One partner alone cannot save a relationship if the other is
adamant of walking away. However, if the relationship is in trouble on
account of misunderstandings then surely the woman in the house can save
it.
The first step is to start listening to her mate. She need not
flare up or show her disapproval if she does not agree to what he has to
say. Instead, she must accept at face value his statements. This is not an
easy task but the first critical step to assuage his male ego. No man
wants to be treated lightly. He will start feeling more wanted if he finds
that the woman he loves is not always on the warpath. The small
conversations that ended up in bitterness and conflict will gradually
start getting longer.
The next step is to show that you want your
man to come closer to you. This can start by putting a little more passion
in the peck that you give him when he leaves for work or the hug when he
returns. He may surely be surprised, and even a little restrained to
return you new found love, but there is no better way to close the gap
than through touch. It can bridge the widest of distances that may divide
a relationship.
You should simultaneously start finding fault with
him. Don't ask him to give an explanation for coming late or staying away
on weekends. Take it in your stride. Wait for him to open up.
Give
the man some space
Also, give him space to unwind when he returns from
work. You don't have to rush to him, and start a conversation. Every man
likes some private time and space to himself. Let him avail it; let him
cool down and become emotionally more ready for your light chat and
banter. Avoid subjects that he thinks are frivolous; focus on issues that
may interest him. Of course, don't try to fool him by trying to over reach
yourself. Even silences are great for companionship. You can just pat his
hair or hold his hand while he watches TV or hover close around him to
make him feel wanted.
Soft music and good food can make him more
relaxed. Try to play music that he likes, and cook food that he loves. You
should allow him to set the pace if he wants to take you to bed. Don't
push yourself on him. But let him believe that you have come to him
because you wanted it. This anyway is true.
Don't try to change
your man
It is important that you stop trying to change your mate. This
is one mistake that most spouses make. They think that their men will
change if they keep after them. Nothing can be more counterproductive.
Constant nagging only leads to revolt and rebellion. Also, stop blaming
your mate for anything and everything that has gone wrong in the
relationship. It will only make him fight back.
You must not sound
or look dishonest when you are trying to salvage the relationship. It is
essential that you have full belief in what you are doing. You should
gradually make him talk of why he had starting moving away from you. Once
again, you don't have to push him into talking about his misgivings. You
should create a situation where he wants to confess, where he wants to
release the pent up feelings. This can have magical affect on your
relationship. Suddenly, the ghosts that had bedeviled your relationship
will be exorcised.
There will be trust again, and mutual faith. Try
not to loose it again.
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